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Friday, March 21, 2014

It's Alive!

My last proper post was more than a month ago because of work. Specifically, a single project that has taken up my every waking moment. That is, every brain-working waking moment.

It's an enormous project and has taken more than 7 months to get to where we are today....nowhere close to finished. Thankfully, my primary part in it is almost finished.

A few weeks ago, I passed on a small part of the project to my team to take to the next stage.

This week, I had the opportunity to see the beginning of the results of my work.

Being an incredibly critical person, I spotted the flaws immediately. At the time, I wasn't excited, I was just critical.

Last night, at the office of the client, I showed one of the employees the work that had been done. Part of my job, obviously, is talking up what's been done and getting them excited about it. So, I hurried over the flaws and showed him the brilliance of what had been done.

By the time I was done, I was bursting with excitement. I wanted to shriek like a kid who had just received the toy of their dreams. It's amazing! It's beautiful! It works! It... it.... it... aaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!! It's ALIVE! The ideas, the pictures I had in my head, are being actualized.

It's funny, because the amount of work completed is 1/10,000th of the amount of work that still needs to be done.

I don't get excited about the results of my work very often. Don't get me wrong- I'm obsessed with my work. However, being neck deep in mind-twisting, unending solution-searching work, never mind the times where it gets tedious and mind-numbing, is exhausting.

For the first time since I started this project, I'm not only excited beyond imagining, I'm completely refreshed. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to do anything but work and finish this. The faster I finish, the faster I get to see more of the project completed.

Right now, this project is turning into something incredible. I can't even imagine what it will be like when it's finished.

It has taken hundreds upon hundreds of hours of work until this point, and will take many hours more, but the way I'm feeling now, I can't wait to do it.

I didn't think of this until just now, but the title is only partially correct. Not only is it, the project, coming alive, it's taking me along with it. That, I suspect, is what truly loving a job is all about.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

I need a Movie Partner

I need a movie partner for tomorrow, er, today.

There's a movie, Particle Fever that's coming out today. It's a documentary about the Large Hadron Collider.

As far as I can tell, it's showing in only one theater in NYC. I'm desperate to go, but want to go with someone. If you're interested, email me please! learningtosaynothing@gmail.com

Here's the trailer:

Monday, February 24, 2014

I'm Hiring

I was talking with a friend the other day about how desperate I was to hire additional people to work for me and he came up with a really good idea: post it on my blog.

"After all, they're most likely web savvy and they obviously know how to write English really well."

Those are pretty much the only two major requirements for the job. Aside from the obvious honest, hard-working, etc. etc. etc.

The job can be whatever you want it to be. Part-time, full-time temporary, full-time with opportunity for growth. You make your own fortune. We're, BH, a growing company looking to expand. We're limited in taking on new clients only because we don't have enough people to handle all the work.

The work can theoretically be done from anywhere, but if they're living in NY, that would be best.

We have multiple openings.

If you're interested, or you know someone who is, please have them email me at learningtosaynothing@gmail.com

Thursday, February 13, 2014

The Power of Friends

It's 12:41 AM at the time I'm writing this.

I had an absolutely horrible day. It ranks among the worst that I can recall.

I got it over the head from several people.

I took it hard. Really hard.

I used to be a really sensitive guy and took everything that was told me to heart. Once people discovered that I didn't have skin never mind thick skin, well, the party lasted 17 years. It was tough and left me with several skeletons in my head. Over the years, I've gained a skin and learned that not everything is my fault, I'm not a worthless piece of garbage, etc.

I felt normal. I succeeded and I failed like every other human on the planet. When I failed, it didn't mean that I was worthless. When I succeeded, I didn't feel like I was the most important person in the world.

I was a person. A valuable person who could contribute to the world in some way. Far be it from me to know what that final contribution will be, but I knew it would be something, and something positive.

Today, I fell to pieces. Completely. "I'm worthless." "Nothing I have ever done has any value." I can't do anything and never will do anything." "I'll never get married and should not get married." These thoughts and myriads of others pounded my head endlessly, all day.

A few hours ago, I recognized the complete mess I was in. I also realized that nothing I was doing was working to get me out of the funk. I wracked my brain to think of a person I wanted to talk to who could help (who wasn't incredibly busy with school or work).

One person came to mind. I texted him at 9 PM and asked if he was free. He called me back at 12.

He then proceeded to give it to me over the head, joining the others in the theme of the day.

He picked me up. Put me back on my feet. Cleared my head. Brought me back to Earth. Reminded me that I'm not the first person to make a mistake. Reminded me of my strengths. Reminded me of the person he is proud to call a friend.

There's a famous vort that is said about the story of Iyov. Why is it that the Satan, who was given carte blanch, to do what he wanted with Iyov, didn't take away his friends? His wife, his money, his health and everything else he had the Satan took away, but throughout the story, his friends remain with him, conversing.

The answer given is because friends are the one thing that people can't do without. Pain, poverty, sickness are all things that can be overcome, but without friends, it isn't possible.

I understood in an intellectual sense what that vort meant until tonight. Now I get it wholly and completely.

I would have been lost without my friend tonight. I would not have been able to pick myself up. I had tried and tried, but couldn't do it.

When I couldn't do it, my friend did it for me. The Power of Friends.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Chemistry is Real

You may have read the title and rolled your eyes.

"Uh, duh, of course chemistry is real. What does that even mean?"

Let me explain. A few months ago, after a fourth date that I thought went really well, I got a call from the "shadchan" telling me that the girl said no. I insisted on going out again (I would normally  never dare, but I felt there was something there) so the girl called me herself to explain why she was saying no...and say no again :-( :-P

"I didn't feel like sharing anything about myself with you."

Ouch.

I had no idea what that meant. I mean, it was a fourth date! Who would be able to pour out their life story to a date, with all of their troubles and skeletons after going out 4 times?

Jump to last night.

I got it.

While it was a fun date, there was, on a scale from 1-10, a 0.7 on the chemistry spectrum. It wasn't that I don't think she's a wonderful girl, because she really is. I just had absolutely no pull to tell her anything about myself. I felt, er, unexcited about calling her or spending time with her.

Until last night, when I heard the stories of dates saying "I didn't feel any chemistry" I would cynically say that he/she was using that as the generic excuse to not have to say something potentially offend the receiving party (which, in my humble opinion, is fine. I'd prefer a girl to not believe the "chemistry" reason than tell her I found her extraordinarily unattractive.)

Sometimes the reason of "I didn't feel any chemistry" is just that: the reason.

Oh, and hi y'all. I'm back :-)

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Letting Go

I have high expectations of myself. I cried the night I got a 98 on a final exam. I had a half hour meeting with a professor and a 45-minute meeting with a department head because I got an A instead of an A+ on a class (which makes no difference on my GPA). I couldn't sleep the night before an exam because I wasn't convinced I had studied enough for a final (I had :-)). I took more time to revise a 10-page paper than it took me to write it.

You get the point. I'm insane. Not only about school, but in pretty much every facet of my life (and a miserable failure, but hey, I try).

It used to be OCD. (I self-diagnosed myself on that, but... Well, I'm not going to give details for fear of sounding more insane so you'll just have to trust me on that.) I got over it after years of hard work.

Until this week, it was perfectionism to an extreme in everything I did. If I was going to do something, then Heaven help me, I was going to do it right.

Meh. Not anymore. This week, I woke up and realized, nope, it just doesn't matter. I just don't care anymore. I refuse to not sleep, lose weight (which I don't have much of to begin with), lose my appetite, live on coffee, be in a perpetual state of stress and stop dating (!!!!!!!!) because of classes I am taking voluntarily. Pure. Insanity.

That's that. Papers will get written, exams will be taken, projects will be completed, but nope, I don't care what my post-bac GPA looks like; my GPA has been beautiful until now, and if it suffers from a less-than-stellar semester where I was working more than full time, so be it.

Dang, what a relief.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Google It!

I'm the go-to guy in my entire extended family when it comes to computer questions. Somehow that happened. I'm not really sure how.

I'm very happy to help anyone who asks for anything if I can. I've spent many hours on the phone with relatives and friends helping them.

When I get calls from some of them, I already know that after the formalities are dealt with, a computer question is coming.

Recently, a friend sent me the below picture. It's too perfect not to share.

I don't have a lot of time at the moment being that it's the end of the semester and I'm going out of town next week, but I have a few minutes now because I'm in a boring meeting :-)