Pages

Monday, June 10, 2013

"No Title"

What's wrong?
I beat myself up
Nightly
Daily
Every waking hour
Every sleeping hour
Stuck in my craw
Eating at my insides

I made a mistake
So what?
You make them!
Everyone makes them
Why is this one different?

What's happening?
I suffer
Don't eat
Don't sleep
Don't enjoy
Anything

What kind of mistake?
A small one
Or was it
A big one
No!
It wasn't!

Just stop!
I'm thinking about it
Dwelling on it
Harping on it
Feeding it

Move on!
I want to
Bottle it up
Throw it away
Away from me

So, do it
I can't 
Can't you see that?
I don't know why
I don't know how

Help me! 
I can't 
Do it yourself
You don't need me
I'll only get in your way

This one time
No
It's on you
Your mistake
You fix it

You've done it before
Not anymore 
Not for this
It's your turn
To fight for yourself

I'll do it
That's the spirit
You can do it
You will do it
You will succeed

How do you know?
You've always done it
I've never done anything
You thought it was me
It was you

Why are you telling me this now?
It's time for me to go
You must move on
From me, your crutch
Forever

Goodbye now
No!
Wait
I can't
I need you

Please don't go
I've done all I can do 
Given you the means
To battle your own mind
To win all your battles

You're more than that
I am but a piece of you
I had a time and place
No longer
No more

No
Don't go
Where are you?
Come back!
Please, come back

Please, come back
Come back
Please 
Please!
Come back!

It's gone
I'm alone now
Can I do it?
Will I do it?
How will I do it?

You'll do it
I will
I don't know how
But I will
Somehow


This piece charted its course entirely on its own. The original title was "Failure" but reading it back, it's about precisely the opposite. The other intended theme, not being able to move on, also seemed to have turned on its head and turned into a theme of moving on. 

I'm really not sure what this is about...

Hmm....

2 comments:

  1. Whoa... I could feel you dragging yourself through the mud... and then pulling out... this is real...raw... whoa...
    (and kudos on poetry-- you can do it!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ya, felt that way too.

      Thanks! I realized it had been a while, so rather than writing a post about the topic I turned it into a poem :)

      Delete