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Thursday, January 9, 2014

Letting Go

I have high expectations of myself. I cried the night I got a 98 on a final exam. I had a half hour meeting with a professor and a 45-minute meeting with a department head because I got an A instead of an A+ on a class (which makes no difference on my GPA). I couldn't sleep the night before an exam because I wasn't convinced I had studied enough for a final (I had :-)). I took more time to revise a 10-page paper than it took me to write it.

You get the point. I'm insane. Not only about school, but in pretty much every facet of my life (and a miserable failure, but hey, I try).

It used to be OCD. (I self-diagnosed myself on that, but... Well, I'm not going to give details for fear of sounding more insane so you'll just have to trust me on that.) I got over it after years of hard work.

Until this week, it was perfectionism to an extreme in everything I did. If I was going to do something, then Heaven help me, I was going to do it right.

Meh. Not anymore. This week, I woke up and realized, nope, it just doesn't matter. I just don't care anymore. I refuse to not sleep, lose weight (which I don't have much of to begin with), lose my appetite, live on coffee, be in a perpetual state of stress and stop dating (!!!!!!!!) because of classes I am taking voluntarily. Pure. Insanity.

That's that. Papers will get written, exams will be taken, projects will be completed, but nope, I don't care what my post-bac GPA looks like; my GPA has been beautiful until now, and if it suffers from a less-than-stellar semester where I was working more than full time, so be it.

Dang, what a relief.

4 comments:

  1. I can relate all too well to this. Though I would be ecstatic if I got a 98! How could you not?!

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    Replies
    1. Lol, as I said in the post "I'm insane." 0:-)

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  2. Also, give yourself major props for working full-time and going to school. That's really hard.

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