It's crazy, but this is one of the times that I'm happy about it. A ton of work to be done, and a time that it has to be done by. That time happens to be 6 weeks away, but the project is so large that it necessitates all-nighters even at the beginning of the project.
Being a project manager of multiple simultaneously running projects is a lot of fun, but it's also a huge responsibility.
I promised here that I'd post honestly- and whatever I want- even though some people do know who I am, so here goes. Responsibilities of this size scare me. They scare the bejeezus out of me. Thoughts like: "What if I don't do it perfectly?" and "What if I don't finish it in time?" and "What if the client doesn't like it?" It's scary to me. Worse, it literally cripples me.
People have suggested to me various ways of dealing with this, but none have worked. The only tried and true way to get me into gear is a kick. (Break's over- I'll be back.)
7:55 am, I'm back. As I was saying, only a kick really does it. As in, someone or other lets me know that it's time to crack down and on with it. Otherwise, I'll somehow find something else to do. I'll read, watch the occasional movie (ok, maybe more than occasional), watch sports (even teams that I only have a passing interest in), etc. Pretty much anything but work.
It's horrible. If it were only procrastination and I'd get the work done by the deadline then it wouldn't be thaaat bad. But I have let deadlines pass.
Troubling, to say the least.
What really drives me crazy is that once I start, the fear vanishes and I can polish off the project quickly and efficiently. It's just the start that freaks me out. The start, or a different stage of the project.
Anyway, not sure why I'm writing this or what I hope to gain by posting it. Well, I do. I feel like I'm "coming out" by admitting a fault of mine. It's difficult to admit faults that will change peoples' perception of me. But the internet me, to date, has been about only a few aspects of the real me. I'm going to try to treat this blog, to some extent, as a diary of who I am and what I face. To a really small extent probably. But I'll give it a go.
Back to work.
PS. I can't believe I'm going to post this.