It's 12:41 AM at the time I'm writing this.
I had an absolutely horrible day. It ranks among the worst that I can recall.
I got it over the head from several people.
I took it hard. Really hard.
I used to be a really sensitive guy and took everything that was told me to heart. Once people discovered that I didn't have skin never mind thick skin, well, the party lasted 17 years. It was tough and left me with several skeletons in my head. Over the years, I've gained a skin and learned that not everything is my fault, I'm not a worthless piece of garbage, etc.
I felt normal. I succeeded and I failed like every other human on the planet. When I failed, it didn't mean that I was worthless. When I succeeded, I didn't feel like I was the most important person in the world.
I was a person. A valuable person who could contribute to the world in some way. Far be it from me to know what that final contribution will be, but I knew it would be something, and something positive.
Today, I fell to pieces. Completely. "I'm worthless." "Nothing I have ever done has any value." I can't do anything and never will do anything." "I'll never get married and should not get married." These thoughts and myriads of others pounded my head endlessly, all day.
A few hours ago, I recognized the complete mess I was in. I also realized that nothing I was doing was working to get me out of the funk. I wracked my brain to think of a person I wanted to talk to who could help (who wasn't incredibly busy with school or work).
One person came to mind. I texted him at 9 PM and asked if he was free. He called me back at 12.
He then proceeded to give it to me over the head, joining the others in the theme of the day.
He picked me up. Put me back on my feet. Cleared my head. Brought me back to Earth. Reminded me that I'm not the first person to make a mistake. Reminded me of my strengths. Reminded me of the person he is proud to call a friend.
There's a famous vort that is said about the story of Iyov. Why is it that the Satan, who was given carte blanch, to do what he wanted with Iyov, didn't take away his friends? His wife, his money, his health and everything else he had the Satan took away, but throughout the story, his friends remain with him, conversing.
The answer given is because friends are the one thing that people can't do without. Pain, poverty, sickness are all things that can be overcome, but without friends, it isn't possible.
I understood in an intellectual sense what that vort meant until tonight. Now I get it wholly and completely.
I would have been lost without my friend tonight. I would not have been able to pick myself up. I had tried and tried, but couldn't do it.
When I couldn't do it, my friend did it for me. The Power of Friends.